The Best Coffee in the world recipe
21 December 2016
The Best Coffee in the world recipe

THE BEST COFFEE IN THE WORLD, BAR NONE, RECIPE

 

Ingredients:

Coffee Mug

Spoon

Milk

Sugar

Water

Coffee

 

Method:

  1. Walk around the office like a bumble bee or crazy muppet and holler ‘Does anyone want a dodgy coffee?”
  2. Cross your fingers no one says yes
  3. If someone says yes, smile and pretend you are all knowing and confident
  4. Approach the kitchen, still with loads of confidence
  5. Try and find some coffee mugs that are clean
  6. Locate a teaspoon (there’s usually 60 in the dishwasher and none in the drawer)
  7. Locate the coffee jar on the bench and pry lid off, trying not to break a nail
  8. Insert teaspoon of coffee into mug
  9. Approach the fridge, hold your nose and open the door.  Be prepared for a hideous smell to overpower you from the five dead science projects in the fridge
  10. Locate the milk and pour a little into the coffee mug
  11. Realise you’ve forgotten to boil the jug.  Let out a very loud “Oh for F**K Sake”!
  12. Put water in jug, turn on and return to your desk for a while
  13. Remember, about ten minutes later, that you were supposed to be making coffee
  14. Return to the kitchen and turn the jug back on again because it’s going cold already
  15. Return to your desk and tell yourself to remember to make the coffee in a moments time
  16. Remember again, ten minutes later, that you still haven’t completed the task!
  17. Return to the kitchen again, and this time do not leave until task is completed
  18. Try desperately to stay focussed, even when you feel your butterfly brain wandering off again
  19. Pour boiling water into cup and sugar
  20. Stir so fast that some of the coffee slurps over the side
  21. Express another “For F**K Sake”
  22. Deliver coffee, stir swirling at 20 km’s an hour around mug, to team member who stupidly requested it
  23. Make some lame joke about the bonus bubbles and coffee bits
  24. Return to your desk, exhausted by the process that has just occurred and vow not to attempt such a ridiculous task again for at least a day or two

 

Good luck.  Hope you like the recipe.  It’s a family favourite.